Just like we clean our homes and detox our bodies, we should also be purging our friend closet. I know this may sound a bit extreme but it’s actually in your best interest to do so. Your time and energy is sacred and those you share them with should be well worth it. A wise woman once said “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime”. In truth, this can apply to almost anything like the clothes in your closet. Some clothes only occupy space during the winter or in the summer while few stay all year-round. Unfortunately, there comes a time when those that were once a favorite become so far worn out they need to be thrown out.
Imagine your friends like the favorite clothes in your closet. Some outfits you may have had for years, barely worn and collecting dust, while others are your absolute favorite and you can’t go without. Every once in awhile we all need to clean our closets of the clothes that no longer fit like they once used to. Especially those “part-timers”, you know just like the heels that looked so good at the time but make us uncomfortable, and now just taking up space. Cleansing the energy in your closet by freeing up the space will allow room for new clothes that are more comfortable and definitely a better fit.
Cleaning out your friend closet frees up space for you to include new people who will add to your life. Here is my simple 6 step process that helped me to gain meaningful friendships, enjoy!
1.Write out your list of friends
Start by thinking about who you consider a friend in your life. Don’t confuse them with associates so make sure you consider them a friend. Then, on a sheet of paper write out the names as they come to you.
At each person’s name stop and think about your relationship to that person. You can start a mini list of pros and cons to that person’s name.
3. Use the MPC system
Place M,P, or C where it applies to each person.
M stands for mutualistic. This would mean that the two of you both benefit from the friendship.
P stands for parasitic. This describes a relationship where only one person benefits and the other party is negatively affected.
C stands for commensal. This describes a relationship where one party benefits while the other is not affected negatively or positively in the relationship.
When you have evaluated each relationship and applied the appropriate letter to each name, cross off anyone that has a P or C next to their names. The names crossed off are the ones you should be removing from your life. As you have placed the letters to their name you have categorized who benefits your life and you theirs.
It’s great that others add to your life but it's even better to add to someone else's. You must think about how you serve and aid others in their life. Take this time to look at who is on your list (hopefully you still have a few names, if not that is fine too) and write down a sentence or two on how you add to their lives. It’s always good to reflect on your value.
Now that you understand how you aid in the lives your friends, it’s time to make the effort and put in the time to nourish your relationship with them. You can take 10 minutes once a week to check up on them with a phone call, make plans to see each other on the weekend and if they are afar make plans for a Skype or Facebook Video Chat date. It doesn’t matter how you make the effort as long as you do.
Now it’s time to create your reality by speaking the type of friendships you would like into reality. Use affirmations geared towards this to help you. I like to define affirmations as words you speak in the positive to create the reality you would like to see. Some of my affirmations for building and having meaningful friendships include: “My friends and I benefit from one another”,”I have friends that want to see me succeed”, “I am surrounded by those that care for me”, and “I am an amazing friend to those around me."
These 6 steps are sure to help you throw out stagnant friendships and help you gain new meaningful relationships. It’s up to you to take action and love yourself enough to grow.